Why Is Women’s Empowerment So Conditional? On Sensuality, Autonomy, and a Woman’s Right to Choose

Updated: Aug 3

We love talking about women’s empowerment....until women make choices we personally wouldn’t make.

(Photo by Evan Carter -https://www.evancarterphotography.com/)

Somewhere along the way, empowerment became conditional:

"Love your body… but don’t enjoy being seen.

Be confident… but don’t be “too much.”

Make money… just not that way.

Express your sexuality… but only in ways that make other people comfortable."

Freedom does not work like that.

Female empowerment has never been about telling women which choices are acceptable. It’s about protecting a woman’s right to choose for herself.

Mind your own business.

If a woman is making an informed, consensual choice about her own body and life, it’s not my job (or yours) to decide whether she’s “empowered enough.”

(Photo by Evan Carter -https://www.evancarterphotography.com/)

Now, that’s not to say every choice is healthy simply because someone makes it. People can act from trauma, coercion, financial desperation, or the need for external validation. Those realities deserve compassion, not dismissal.

However, the solution isn’t taking women’s agency away. It’s helping them reconnect with themselves so they can make choices that genuinely align with who they are.

That’s a very different conversation.

My Playboy and His Mind Magazine Experiences

(Left & Right Photos by Evan Carter -https://www.evancarterphotography.com/)

I credit my work with Playboy and launching His Mind Magazine as meaningful parts of my healing journey after an abusive relationship that left me broke, sexually repressed, sexually dissatisfied, and disconnected from my own body.

Exploring my sexuality in a way that felt safe and completely on my terms helped me rebuild that relationship with myself.

At the time, I wasn’t emotionally available for dating. Ironically, the transactional nature of the work was exactly what I needed. I could flirt, have fun with my sensuality, maintain healthy emotional boundaries, and pay my rent: all without pretending I was ready for a relationship.

Photos by Evan Carter -https://www.evancarterphotography.com/)

If I hadn’t explored that avenue, I genuinely don’t think I’d have the relationship with my body that I have today.

Would that path be healing for every woman? Of course not.

However, it was for me, and that’s exactly the point.

Agency vs. Objectification

One of the biggest criticisms I hear is that sex work sets women back because it objectifies them. That’s certainly worth discussing.

To me, objectification isn’t simply about nudity or sexuality. It’s about whether someone else’s desires override a woman’s humanity and agency.

If a woman is being exploited, manipulated, trafficked, or pressured into something she doesn’t want, that’s harmful. However, if she’s consciously choosing work she enjoys, setting her own boundaries, and being compensated fairly for it, I struggle to see why strangers should have more authority over her body than she does.

And to the sex workers/models reading this:

Raise your rates.

I never believed in discounts, freebies, or endless emotional labor. Equal exchange is one of the foundations of respect.

“No One Will Want to Date You.”

Another criticism is that no man will ever want to date a sex worker.

Sure, some people simply aren’t comfortable dating someone in the sex industry, and they’re allowed to have that preference. However, having that preference doesn’t make someone morally superior, nor does it make the woman less lovable or less worthy of a healthy relationship.

I actually met my fiancé while I was modeling for Playboy and after launching His Mind Magazine. Not once has he been jealous, controlling, or threatened by my work.

He’s secure enough to understand the difference between performance and partnership.

Eventually, I chose to step away from Playboy, not because I was ashamed of it, but because it simply stopped being the best use of my time. The platform changed, my priorities evolved, and I wanted to pour more energy into building my own business, writing, coaching, and creative projects. My sensuality didn’t disappear. It simply evolved with me.

(Both Self-Portraits)

Womb Work Shouldn’t Have Prerequisites

One thing I’ve noticed in some womb work spaces is the belief that women in the sex industry need to be “rescued” before they’re worthy of healing.

I disagree.

A woman’s relationship with her womb belongs to her, not her profession. Yes, some women leave sex work after beginning womb work. However, that is not because womb work rejects sex workers. I think it’s because genuine healing helps people become more deeply connected to their own desires rather than living from survival, conditioning, or external validation. For some women, that means staying. For others, it means leaving. Neither outcome is inherently more enlightened. It’s simply different.

I’ve also noticed that many conversations around leaving sex work become intertwined with religion.

For women who find healing through faith, that’s beautiful; however, for women who aren’t religious (or who carry religious trauma) it can feel as though they’re being told that someone else’s theology is the only path toward healing.

I don’t believe that’s true. Learning to love yourself can be sacred, too.

(Left Photo @madisonfromdallas - Right Photo by Evan Carter -https://www.evancarterphotography.com/)

Historically, women have often been divided into two opposing categories: the “pure” woman and the “fallen” woman: a framework many scholars refer to as the Madonna–Whore complex. There has rarely been much room for the complexity of real women, who are allowed to be nurturing, ambitious, sensual, intelligent, spiritual, playful, sexual, modest, and powerful all at once.

It’s time we stop asking women to choose between those boxes.

Let Women Be Sexy!

(Both photos by Evan Carter -https://www.evancarterphotography.com/)

At its core, this conversation isn’t really about sex work. It’s about autonomy.

Women’s liberation isn’t achieved by replacing one list of acceptable behaviors with another. It’s trusting women to decide what to do with their own bodies: even when their choices make other people uncomfortable.